Relationships, family & balance.

As every mother knows, the art of balance is tough to master. But, as a mother, it is essential. Working, stay at home, step mother, who ever you may be to your family, balancing love, time, food, your checkbook, all without being committed to an asylum, is hard.
Now I am a huge believer in schedules, and lists, and organization and everything you have heard before, but today I was thinking more about balancing relationships. Not so much the tangible items in your life, but more of the intangible.
I don't have a lot of close friends. I am fun and outgoing, but I find it hard to fully nurture many friendships, my marriage and the relationships with my children. Usually finding myself an "all or nothing" person. If I can't fully commit to a relationship of any kind, then I back away from it entirely.
I know that this description sounds harsh, I am not asking others to be perfect or a certain kind of person, but internally, if I feel like I don't have the heart or energy to fully commit, I back away.
Yes, there are those on the outside that we say "hi" to at the store, or on Facebook. Those that we pass in church and smile at, but know nothing really about them personally. Then there are those, that will call when you are sick, can predict how you will react, and those that really "get" you. I find myself lately realizing that a friend of mine that I thought was the committed friend, is going to end up being a peripheral friend. Those that you say "hi" to at the grocery store.
Because I don't usually fully commit to friendships, the moment I did, it broke my heart. The problem is, I have realized this before it has even crossed her mind. I don't know that she is aware of where this friendship is heading, there have been no harsh words, just some actions that have become clear about where I stand with her and what she is willing to do, or not do as a friend.
So, where do I go? Do I just have superficial "hi" friends from this point forward? My work relationships, marriage and family take most of my effort. Should I not expect so much of others in the future?
I understand this is not the typical mommy blog, I am not writing about rainbows and buttercups, but these are things of everyday, my bad music at work, my children drawing on their stomachs, my friends breast dropping down her torso, these are the stories of life.  And today with heavy thoughts, the question is should I expect less of those around me?
I wanted to marry into the mob when I was a little girl. I know, heavy drama. I had a pretend boyfriend named Todd and wanted to marry into the mob. But, in the middle of the pretend drama, there was a little of my psyche there. I think I wanted the mafioso family. The friends that were your family and the family that were your friends. Those you expected complete loyalty from and if the loyalty faltered, they were capped. Is that too much? Like I said, one always for the dramatic.
How do you do it? Don't worry, I just ordered a book on optimism from amazon.com.