Got an offer, turned it down, crap! The hell that is Wyoming.

In my desire to relocate my family, I had a job offer in Douglas, WY. For those from Douglas, WY, sorry, you probably shouldn't read on.
Douglas, WY is 11 hours away from my home, one way. Because I couldn't tell my current employer that I had a final interview and job offer, I had to squeeze the 22 hours of driving into about 48 hours of actual time. Which for those of you that can't help your children with their math homework, that would leave 26 hours over two days, for sleep and non driving time. It sucked.
Not only did I have to squeeze the drive, sleep and a 2 hour interview into that 48 hours, I also had to do all of this on my way to and in Douglas, WY.
Lets explain, Wyoming is barren, ok dramatic, it has small hills and sage brush, so I guess that is something. It also regularly has up to 30-40 mile per hour winds, I know what you are thinking, heaven, right? Am I right? But, there are a few cute towns along the way.
Anyway the only reason we would consider Douglas, is that there is also a lot of great paying jobs for my husband as well, so frankly money talks.
Then I drove around town, new elementary school, new bridges, looking good, oh, wait, what? Houses leaning, paint peeling, piercings glaring totally interfering with my sight. Re-thinking... how much money is hell worth? Tough question.
Never the less, the realist in me tells me I would rather earn $7 an hour than live in hell. I would rather my children not have to raise themselves. I will get to the point, Douglas, WY sucked. Every exit on the highway had barriers that if it gets too windy or stormy they can shut it down quickly, ding, ding, ding, how many red flags do I need?
So, obviously I turned the job down, my employer does not know about my 2 day marathon and I am back to the beginning. 
Se la vie.

Falling into the abyss. Dreading the next day.

I have been looking at relocating my family. But, applying for jobs 100's of miles away is seeming to be quite the task. So at work, although I get all my work done efficiently and effectively, I am sidetracked by wanting desperately to go somewhere else. I have spent 25 of my 34 years in my small town. I moved away when I graduated and as I got married have since returned. So, I am at that point that enough is enough. Need a change, time to move on, etc.

I enjoy those that I work with. I enjoy staying busy. However lately, I haven't stayed busy making each day longer and longer. To make it worse the slow times leave me space in my mind to dream of some far off land that I want to whisk my family away to.
I hate dreading going to work. I usually don't, but as I have mentioned, I am ready to move on. So as it gets harder to get out of bed in the morning, drive up to the dealership, I take a deep breath and walk into work with a smile on my face.
Today was no different, but with that smile also came a bout of laughter. Because not only am I starting to dread work, I walk in with a pretend smile, and then hear it. You know that awesome background music that I have blogged about in the past. There it is, "All, by myself, I don't wanna be all by myself, anymore."
This made me laugh. The only image that popped into my mind was a picture of "Bridget Jones Diary", with Renee Zellweger laying on her couch, boozing it up and singing, poorly I might add, at the top of her lungs.
I have to be grateful for the little things that get me through that door and still smiling at the end of the day. Even if it is a ridiculously sapping song that in lesser times would make me want to slit my wrists.

The 5th grade anatomy/hormone talk, yippee......

I am sitting at work, swearing at my network blocker that won't allow you to read blogs, post on Facebook, basically anything interesting. Anyway, as the expletives launch out of my mouth, I get a call. It is from my 11 yr old's son 5th grade teacher.
So, last week there was a bright blue form that came home in the back pack from school. I love how they make the forms bright colors so you don't miss them. Attention school, I don't pay attention to the bright form or the white form, frankly I just ignore them all.
I digress. The form is titled "Growth & Development Class"...... (they tried really hard to think of that title, you know they did) 
Back to the phone call from the 5th grade teacher. She has asked if I had seen the infamous form. I said, yes, I meant to send it back to school, but just have forgotten. She proceeds to tell me that the kids in the class are freaking out, embarrassed to turn the form in and just aren't taking the form home to their parents. I go on to inform her that the form is on my fridge and I will return it the next day. This form asks for your permission to allow your child to sit through a DVD that discusses "changes" in their bodies. If you choose not sit your child through this, he can go to library or something.
After I returned home from work this evening, I decided to ask my son what he had heard about this class, if he would like me to explain things to help prepare him for the class, or whether he would like me to let him skip the class and I would do all the talking, or he doesn't have to talk to me and he can take the class.....................He wanted to talk to me. So, we talked about hormones and hair growth in strange places, and all the many more disgusting and gross things that happen to boys. (Frankly such an easier talk than explaining what happens to girls) After about 20 minutes and pure shock on my sons face, I decided he had had enough.  I then ask him if he wants to stay in class for the talk and DVD (how lucky). He said he had heard enough and that he didn't need to attend the class.
He did say he wanted to talk with me again and how glad he was that we didn't talk about anything "inappropriate". Got to love him.
I have successfully survived my first "talk"with my 11 yr old son. My husband giggled the entire time.
So, he will not be sitting through the DVD. I am glad he is fine with our discussion and that I didn't scar him for life......Yay hormones!!!!!

Modesty is a virtue.

I have a 7 year old daughter. And in spite of my efforts, she has remained modest and aware of her body. Why should this matter? Well frankly, I am impressed.
Today's dolls & media show our children that people with giant eyes, an even larger head, and minimal clothing are the most attractive of the bunch.
Good news for troll dolls, but alter to nature for the rest of us.
To the story: This morning while getting my 7 year old ready for sh-ool (as Megamind would say) (no comments), anyway, this morning my daughter had to get ready for the school trip to the indoor water park.
My daughter has a cute tankini, with stylish belt included, is in her drawer, ready to wear. She also has another one piece suit that is equally cute but is nowhere to be found.
Commence argument. 
She does not want to wear the suit that shows a little of her stomach, because, it shows a little of her stomach. (in case you missed that). I however the shining beacon on Motherdom tell her not to worry, the suit is too cute, and she should love what she is wearing.
Really, I did that, I know. I don't need your judgement right now.
Finally my daughter had shamed me, by her example, to understand she is right. At 7 she is purer & smarter than me.
So, I searched and searched for the other swimsuit, the one that covered her entire body. The one that shamed her mother into the hoochi hall of fame.
Why do I care if she is the trendiest when it asks her to give some of her values up. Do I care more about being cute than letting her be happy and comfortable, unfortunately, the answer sometimes is yes. And to that, my dear Sophia, I am sorry. I love you. Thank you for showing me the way.

Hare Krishna Festival of colors of 2011

What a fun time we had. Family and I are in Utah visiting extended family and doing some work stuff. My beautiful cousin called and had a fun activity for us to do together. The Hare Krishna Festival. No, we weren't required to chant, although the mixtures of rock music and chanting were interesting. There were thousands of attendees covered in multi color chalk, dancing, singing.
But, the most fun was to see my own children unwind. Making friends with other chalk colors.

OK I will explain. The festival celebrates the triumph of good over bad with music, chanting and dancing.
"It's a festival of love where people can come and love each other face to face and that's why it's so popular," said festival coordinator Charu Das.

Every two hours, there is a countdown where everyone, when reaching that all so common, 3,2,1.....throw all colors of chalk  in the air. People are cheering and dancing. The cloud of chalk is like a rainbow dream. There was no drinking, which to some would be a disappointment, but with thousands in attendance, we were still able to bring our children.

We purchased our chalk in the pavilion, we did not get to pick our colors, so we had two different pinks, and yellow to throw in the air and at each other. Unfortunately, everything I do needs to be pretty, although pretty is relative when you are trotting around in the mud and covered in chalk, but you could be prettier and have the "right" colors thrown on you. So what did I do, I collected colors. Those walking by that had green, purple or orange, I would throw my chalk on them and they would reciprocate. So there I am, eyeing each passerby to ascertain their "color". Only I can take a festival of happiness and joy and turn it into a sting operation. Nevertheless this was such a fun day to spend with the family. Enjoy the pictures...

Sleeping my way to ruin.

As a working mother, there is always some running, running, running. I however have been more like crawling, crawling, crawling, lately. I get plenty of sleep but cannot seem to wake up refreshed or just wake up without wanting to kill someone. I am sooooo tired.
Skip to last night. Work, off at 6, check, dinner with two elderly friends 6-7:15, check, pack bags and off to overnight sleep study, check, Check-in at 9 PM. Once I finally arrive at the sleep center, I am escorted to my room. I stopped and got a trashy tabloid magazine to read before bed or while I was waiting, but I didn't have to wait long. Once the tech came into my room they attached what seemed like 20 or so electrodes to my head, neck, collar bone and ankles. Yes, I am glad you asked, it was terribly comfortable. Then they gather the wires toward the back of your head, like some sort of wiring harness, strap three bands around your chest and waist and say goodnight.

What the hell. It is hard enough to sleep well on a great night, much less dressed like John Cusack in Sixteen Candles. Not only do you have to fall asleep to have a sleep study conducted, which my previous reference proves, was ridiculous, you have to stay asleep without turning too much that you pull the wires out of your nifty battery pack thingy.

"It's morning" I hear in a cheerful voice as I am awoken at 5 AM the next morning by the sleep tech. It was time to get up and head home.
Ok, to refresh, sleep with a commodore 64 strapped to your head, awake at 5 AM without wanting to injure any of the staff. This sounds like a great introduction to sleeping disorders and therapy. I can't wait to see what is next. I will keep you informed.

Relationships, family & balance.

As every mother knows, the art of balance is tough to master. But, as a mother, it is essential. Working, stay at home, step mother, who ever you may be to your family, balancing love, time, food, your checkbook, all without being committed to an asylum, is hard.
Now I am a huge believer in schedules, and lists, and organization and everything you have heard before, but today I was thinking more about balancing relationships. Not so much the tangible items in your life, but more of the intangible.
I don't have a lot of close friends. I am fun and outgoing, but I find it hard to fully nurture many friendships, my marriage and the relationships with my children. Usually finding myself an "all or nothing" person. If I can't fully commit to a relationship of any kind, then I back away from it entirely.
I know that this description sounds harsh, I am not asking others to be perfect or a certain kind of person, but internally, if I feel like I don't have the heart or energy to fully commit, I back away.
Yes, there are those on the outside that we say "hi" to at the store, or on Facebook. Those that we pass in church and smile at, but know nothing really about them personally. Then there are those, that will call when you are sick, can predict how you will react, and those that really "get" you. I find myself lately realizing that a friend of mine that I thought was the committed friend, is going to end up being a peripheral friend. Those that you say "hi" to at the grocery store.
Because I don't usually fully commit to friendships, the moment I did, it broke my heart. The problem is, I have realized this before it has even crossed her mind. I don't know that she is aware of where this friendship is heading, there have been no harsh words, just some actions that have become clear about where I stand with her and what she is willing to do, or not do as a friend.
So, where do I go? Do I just have superficial "hi" friends from this point forward? My work relationships, marriage and family take most of my effort. Should I not expect so much of others in the future?
I understand this is not the typical mommy blog, I am not writing about rainbows and buttercups, but these are things of everyday, my bad music at work, my children drawing on their stomachs, my friends breast dropping down her torso, these are the stories of life.  And today with heavy thoughts, the question is should I expect less of those around me?
I wanted to marry into the mob when I was a little girl. I know, heavy drama. I had a pretend boyfriend named Todd and wanted to marry into the mob. But, in the middle of the pretend drama, there was a little of my psyche there. I think I wanted the mafioso family. The friends that were your family and the family that were your friends. Those you expected complete loyalty from and if the loyalty faltered, they were capped. Is that too much? Like I said, one always for the dramatic.
How do you do it? Don't worry, I just ordered a book on optimism from amazon.com.